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In the midst of the holiday season, I want to remind family caregivers and those family and friends who surround them that considering ending the your own life, or the life of your loved one, or having your loved express a desire to die is nothing to be ashamed of nor should it be taken lightly — it is not a joke! Homicidal or suicidal ideation is something that nearly all caregivers and loved ones deal with in the course of the caregiving experience. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provide free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the United States.
If you or your loved one is experiencing these thoughts — CALL 988
No one is exempt from experiencing thoughts of suicide or ending your loved one’s life. Whether it’s is at the beginning of the caregiving journey when the crisis is fresh and the future looks uncertain, or many years into the journey when you question what has happened to your life or if your loved one is better off dead.
I’m not a doctor — I’m just a caregiver speaking from experience, and urging you to resist the talk in your head, and seek help! Don’t ignore it! If your loved one is talking about suicide, don’t ignore that either! Help is available for both of you — CALL 988.
Mental Health Issues are Commonplace But Rarely Surfaced — CALL 988
You don’t have to be a statistician or a psychologist to see a relationship between being a caregiver and developing some sort of mental health issue — you need only be a caregiver. My cursory attempt to find relevant statistics on the incidence of homicidal or suicidal ideation in the caregiver community yielded a few esoteric academic papers mostly focused on loved ones with dementia. These papers confirmed that the problem exists across a wide range of circumstances but there was no unified, community-wide survey that I could find.
Over the course of the past 7 years that I have been a full-time caregiver, I’ve observed that we caregivers are a stoic bunch, especially those of us who have a long-term situation on their hands. When we do seek help, it’s likely for our loved one rather than ourselves. I see the occasional public cries for help in Facebook caregiving groups, but I’m certain this is the tip of the iceberg, and asking for help in a Facebook group is not always reliable or sufficient — CALL 988.
Be Sensitive -The Holidays Are Especially Hard
The pressures that family caregivers and loved ones feel during the holiday season (Thanksgiving through New Year’s) are magnified immensely given the nature of the holiday experience. The people around us, enjoying family experiences, posting holiday pictures, and shopping and giving gifts, don’t mean to exert this pressure but it is unavoidable and inevitable. The likely result for a caregiver or loved one who is not able to participate fully in a dinner or trip or gift-giving experience, is depression. All I ask of family and friends is that they be sensitive to this and try to be as inclusive as possible. Reach out to the caregivers and loved ones you know and offer a hand; maybe do some shopping for one who can’t, or cook/bake something special, or even just check in and show you care. It can make the difference, literally, between life and death — CALL 988
As the year comes to a close, I wish all of my readers the very best for the holidays and for 2024. I plan to continue writing to this blog with greater frequency than I did in 2023 — I have quite a few articles in the pipeline. As always, I value your comments and feedback, and suggestions. If any of you are interested in guest authoring a article, I’m all ears.
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